Got a toothbrush?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
