Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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