So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
