Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i just google imaged poop.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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