Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
