My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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