when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
