"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
