I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
