Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
