How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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