I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
