worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize