I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
