for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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