Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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