I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
