Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
