shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
