I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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