Soap is not a condiment
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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