Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
