I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
