Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
