I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
