it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
