I need help removing her.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize