please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
