Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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