I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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