I hate your face
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Randomize
