I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
