you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize