i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Can I color on your dick again?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
