My first STD was from a foam party
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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