Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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