Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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