You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
