I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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