Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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