Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize