420 ftw
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
