When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
