How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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