And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
