Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
