All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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