just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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