he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
