Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
