You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
