just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just pee around me
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
