Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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