i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
