Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
