Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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