it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
