she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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