So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
