I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I don't want my vagina anymore.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
