blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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