i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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