Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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