A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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