According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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