can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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