Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
