she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
