From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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