stop calling my apartment porn island.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
