Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize