He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
