there's paper in my vomit.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
