HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Barsexuality is the new black.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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