don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
