I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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