I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
