I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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