All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
false alarm, still single
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize