im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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