i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
