Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
