soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
