haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
