Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
