another moral hangover. fuck.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
