so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize