Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
