sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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