and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
