Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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