He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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