she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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