I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Randomize
