Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
