All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
