Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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