I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
