i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
