Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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