i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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